What do you people want me to say about Sabrina Carpenter?

"I’m 34 and AFRAID of Sabrina Carpenter"

I’ve given up on the idea that anyone can be normal about Sabrina Carpenter.

The pint-sized pop star behind hits like “Espresso,” “Bed Chem,” and “Please Please Please” has been a star of my Twitter timeline for over a year now, largely in the form of ad-libbing suggestive lyrics or miming sex positions while fully clothed with her fully clothed dancers on stage. The last one that I saw cause a frenzy was when she was Eiffel Towering between two beautiful men for about two seconds. This alone was enough to act like she came straight out of Sodom and Gomorrah. (“I’m 17 and AFRAID of Sabrina Carpenter.”)

Which brings me to Sabrina’s latest: The cover for her upcoming album, Man’s Best Friend.

On the cover, Sabrina is on her hands and knees in a mini dress and heels while a faceless, suited figure is just out of frame, pulling her hair. Though manhandled, Sabrina stares at the camera with her mouth slightly agape, and her eyes express neither panic nor pleasure, but rather a mildly resigned amusement.

As soon as the cover dropped, I knew we were in for a days-long discourse.

And I was right.

My Twitter feed has been on fire, and the Instagram comment section of anyone trying to defend the cover has been met with scorn. The number of think pieces this controversy has churned out almost reminds me of ye olde days of the new media hot take.

I immediately thought the cover was meant to be ironic. There she is, on her hands and knees, her hair acting as a leash of sorts. This man is treating her like a dog—man’s best friend—and she knows it. She looks at us as if we’re in on the joke. It might even be familiar to us.

This was obvious to me. Plus, I’m not a Sabrina superfan, but I’m familiar enough with her more recent visuals to know that they often feature troublesome men who meet untimely demises, set to Sabrina’s dulcet tunes of love and loss. This cover is a natural continuation of that dichotomy, a false sweetness blended with violence. It’s her entire schtick at this point, and we see it on full display yet again in the music video for her new song, “Manchild.”

Or maybe it’s all just the cover’s photographer, Bryce Anderson, making a Spinal Tap reference. I don’t know.

So, did this just not stick the landing, or is it ridiculous to assume that everyone would get it in the first place? Does it matter? (Is Sabrina Carpenter a feminist? Is Mastercard a queer ally? Is this TV show my friend?)

I don’t have a problem with people critiquing Sabrina’s album cover. I think anything mass-marketed is worthy of critique. We are customers, and Sabrina Carpenter’s music and her image are products being sold to us. We have every right to question it. Besides, it’s fun to talk about art.

It’s less fun to see people essentially call Sabrina Carpenter a filthy slut, but wokely.