Keeping Up With Keeping Tabs On My Tabs

At one point I Googled "does creme brule or a chocolate lava cake with a scoop of ice cream have more calories?"

I amassed nearly 400 tabs since my last tabs post a few months ago, and as I went through each one, I noticed a few things:

1. I am addicted to asking Google very stupid health-related questions, and I already know the answer to many of them. Maybe I just yearn for the reassurance from Google’s AI overview feature. Incredibly embarrassing to admit!

2. I spent the last month convinced I somehow contracted some terrible STI, or that I have cancer, or that my uterus isn’t working. I didn’t share any of those tabs because while I’m TMI, even I have my limits. But I’m happy to report that a series of recent medical tests have concluded that I’m Fine, Actually.

TW for multiple searches for calorie counts of things I still ended up eating anyway.

• I started reading a fic of a new fandom mutual, and now we talk every single day and are planning to hang out in the city sometime. This shit is my life force.

• Ewen Spencer was the photographer behind the infamous Skins season one trailer, and he has a bunch of prints from that shoot on his site. I’m about to buy some, but first, I made sure to buy this beautiful book highlighting a ton of the photos from the shoot. It just arrived in the mail and I’m OBSESSED.

• I kept listening to Simony by Iceage and didn’t even know it was a Thing. Thank you, Catholics.

• I was hoping that sleep deprivation was the reason why I had to pee so badly on a cross-country flight.

• On Camp

• Banger

• Hooked up with a bird guy and wanted to know wtf he was yapping about

• I was in three different Sephoras in three different states (!) and couldn’t find this one Pat McGrath lip pencil color (~nude oasis~) in stock anywhere. I ended up ordering it online.

• Multiple sets of friends got married, and one couple ended up in the NYT :’)

• I got really emotionally invested in the music video for “Crucify” by Tori Amos and it’s incredible how Google managed to know what the fuck I meant when I typed in “tri wnos crucigy”

• I love it when I can look back on a series of tabs and know exactly what day it was. I had just seen the opera Salome with my friend Sara, it was a beautiful day, I was near all the nice shops, and I decided that maybe that would be the day I finally find the Grown Ass Woman tote bag I’ve been meaning to buy. I ended up at Bergdorf Goodman for the first time in my twelve years of living in NYC and, after an hour of deliberation, I walked out having purchased a bag that I never dreamed of buying.

• I also had no idea how to pronounce Phoebe Philo. Didn’t even end up getting one of her bags, but I wanted to make sure the person at Berdorf didn’t sneer at me when I inquired about them.

• After that, I went to a party on my friend’s terrace, and the citizenship exam came up so I wanted to see if I could feasibly pass it. My conclusion: Easier than I thought, but a couple questions gave me pause.

• I went to Cervo’s, got tipsy, took a walk over the Williamsburg Bridge while one of my favorite Simon and Garfunkel songs, “America,” played, and I started crying

• “what does lithium do”

• “gay guy mad men”

• Oddobody finally got my ass and I decided to buy a bunch of underwear on sale.

• A buddy recommended that I watch Broadcast News

• I was convinced my reproductive system was infected to the point of no return

• “does creme brule or a chocolate lava cake with a scoop of ice cream have more calories?” my deranged ass asked Google. I went with the creme brule and wish I opted for the lava cake.

• “All adventurous women do.”

• I heard this album got a low review on Pitchfork but then I realized that I don’t know that band so I didn’t actually care and never ended up reading the review.

• …Manacled. Look, IYKYK.

• Okay, all I have to say about this is that at about 3:30 a.m. a few nights ago, I suddenly became obsessed with the idea that I needed a lymphatic draining massage session. I came across this place called The Tox, which charges $400 for the new client 60 minute “master tox” and facial. For about an hour, I was convinced that this would fix me. And then I saw someone on reddit say that lymphatic drainage is only really useful for people who are post-op or undergoing cancer treatment, so I was conflicted. Then someone else said that pretty much any massage involves lymphatic drainage, and I got even more confused. So I’ve decided that I’m not quite lost in the wellness sauce enough for this at the moment. If anyone wants to convince me that massages touting lymphatic drainage are actually a gift from God, lemme know.

• I have no idea who Sarah Rafferty is. I just saw this woman shilling anti-crepe lotion in an infomercial and felt like looking her up to see if she’s been in anything I’ve watched (she hasn’t).

• Okay, I made this pasta dish with the tinned calamari from Trader Joes with a little toasted panko breadcrumbs on top and it kicked my ass.

• Wanted to make sure Canuck wasn’t actually a slur before I referred to some right wing nutjob as one.

• Don’t worry: Walter’s not puking anymore. I’ve changed up his diet and gave him a long overdue brushing and he seems to be set now.

• “Were braces covered by the NHS in the 70s” is another IYKYK sort of Google inquiry that only the people who know my fandom history understand.

‘Til next time…